dear Maciej…

It hasn’t even been a week since you left us. It hasn’t even been a week since I said goodbye to one of the most joyous and genuine people I’ve ever met. This time last week I gave you a hug. This time last week I was telling you about my day. How was I supposed to know that those words, that hug, was going to be the last time I was going to see you?

I knew that goodbye was inevitable. We always say goodbye to the people we love, whether it was a week ago, or years from now. But for you, we knew that your time was running out.

I can’t even remember what it was like when I first met you. I was probably five years old and didn’t think twice about the man my aunt was going to marry. I remember your visits from Michigan in our tiny little house. I remember sharing a bed with my brother so that you’d have a place to sleep. I remembered even then how funny you were. How kind. How thoughtful and inquisitive.

Your wedding was probably one of the earliest memories I still remember to this day. I felt so pretty in my little white dress with the red ribbon. You made me feel so important, even at five years old, because I was finally a part of something special. I remember learning how to cartwheel on that dance floor and feeling overjoyed that you were about to enter my life permanently.

Little did I know that the wonderful and special man my aunt had married would change my life forever.

I think I was a bit shy at first, and it probably took me a while to warm up to you. I never saw you that much when I was young, but when you and Lama decided to move to Pittsburgh, I was ecstatic. Finally, someone from our family that I could see on a regular basis. Finally, after having those dearest to me live across the globe, someone was going to be there for me.

You and Lama took care of me, even though I didn’t realize it at the time. You and Lama made sure I always felt loved, and that my brothers and I were safe and cared for.

Probably when I was about seven or eight, you came to pick Anthony and I up from school to take us to your house since my parents were away. We were driving down the street when you stopped the car to help a young boy that had been hurt. I didn’t even know you were a doctor at the time, I just remembered that it was your first instinct to help someone in need. You jumped out of that car without a second thought, because you knew in that moment, he needed you.

All I remember was feeling scared and alone, seeing the ambulance flashing and the poor kid all beat up. But despite feeling scared, I watched you that entire time. I don’t know if you remembered that moment, but it had stuck with me forever. You were simply a hero. A real-life superhero right out of the pages of a comic book. I don’t know if that boy remembered a kind act from a stranger, I don’t know if you realized what an impact you left on an impressionable young, scared girl. But that was just who you were. Someone who helped people in their time of need. Someone who noticed when others weren’t okay. Someone who genuinely cared for others, even if they were a stranger.

My freshman year of college, I called 911 when I saw a man passed out on the stairs. Despite being almost nineteen and an adult, I was still scared. I didn’t know if he was dangerous or if he was going to die. All I remembered in that moment was you: helping a stranger, wanting to save someone’s life. Even then, I wanted to be just like you. A hero.

I don’t know if you ever knew how much you helped me, and I regret not getting to tell you one last time about the impact you left on my life. Neither of my parents went to college in the US. I was completely clueless to the college application. But you helped me every step of the way.

You taught me that it was okay not to be the best of the best, that it didn’t matter if I got into the most prestigious college, that it didn’t matter if I became a doctor or a lawyer. All that mattered was that I worked hard and gave it my all. One of your favorite things to tell me went something like this: “what do you call someone who graduates last in their class in med school? Doctor.”

It doesn’t matter if you are first or last. It doesn’t matter if you go to Harvard or Pitt. All that matters is that you live life to the fullest and that you try your best in every aspect.

And that is what you did Maciej. You lived.

You gave life your all, and you led a wonderful and full life.

You and Lama helped me see what love looked like, as the love you shared for each other was simply magical. You and Lama made me a cousin for the first time. You created five wonderful children who I am proud to call the sisters I never had. (of course, I can’t forget about little Martin, but I do have brothers lol) You worked endlessly for your family, taking night shifts at the hospital to provide, and you never complained. You made time for your children even when work was demanding. Family was your first and foremost priority. I’ll always admire you for that.

Even with your diagnosis last March, you always had a smile on your face whenever I saw you. You were profound and hopeful. You wanted to keep that magic you had created alive. Not even cancer could stop you from living your life and spending that precious time with your family. You never let your children see the bad parts in life, and you gave it your all to protect them. You were a wonderful and loving man, and I don’t believe I have ever met anyone who didn’t immediately like you.

You left us too soon Maciej. You were too young. You were too good. I can’t help but wonder why do such terrible things happen to such genuinely good people? Why did you have to leave us so quickly?

If the pain I feel hurts this much, I can’t imagine what Lama must be feeling, what your children must be feeling, what your parents and brothers and family must be feeling. It was a horrible way to die, and you didn’t deserve any second of suffering you endured.

You left us too soon, and there is nothing we can do to bring you back to us.

I can only hope that your suffering is gone now. I can only hope that God welcomed you home with a warm embrace. I can only hope that you are looking down now at your family with pride, because you should be proud of the wonder and joy you brought into this earth.

I always pictured you as a sunflower. Not because you were blonde and sunny looking, but because you always seemed to turn towards the sun whenever things got dark. You always held on to hope, and you were strong. You were bright and radiant and embraced whatever light you could get, even if it was a single ray in a stormy sky.

I can only hope one day that my future husband is like you Maciej. I can only hope that he treats me with the same love and respect that you showed to your children and Lama. You taught me that I deserve the world when it comes to love, and I promise you I will make sure your children know that too.

I promise you Maciej, you can finally be at peace, because I will do everything in my power to make sure they never forget how wonderful of a father you were. I know I am not alone, because there is an army of people who are here to honor you and keep you alive.

You may be gone, but you will never be forgotten. We love you. Always and forever.

I know we will see you again.

It’s only a matter of time.