Romeo and Juliet

Picture this. You’re on a plane and you overhear a conversation between a couple on the seats next to you. The girlfriend is getting mad at her boyfriend over a dream she had where he cheated on her. She starts to ice him out and he gets confused at what he possibly did to deserve such hostility, when all he did was, well, nothing. She proceeds to spend the rest of the flight ignoring him and making him suffer essentially until he apologizes for cheating on her in her dream.

Now tell me this. How many of you have done something like this? Maybe you’ve also had a dream where your partner cheated on you and you got upset, which in reality is a very common occurrence. Maybe you asked your partner if they would still love you if you were an inanimate object, like a rock or a worm. And when they say no you get upset and ice them out. It’s normal, right?

But let us really think about it. How is being essentially toxic to your partner normal? I constantly see on social media how women especially have normalized getting mad at their partners for stupid things, like cheating in a dream. They then make it their personal mission to get revenge on their partner for essentially NOTHING.

Now I cannot come sit here and preach at you all that I’ve never done this. I’ve definitely gotten mad over stupid shit before and then picked a fight because of it. But in the past couple months, especially after getting out of a relationship that might have been a bit too toxic on both ends, I have changed so much. I see now that those types of actions are not only manipulative, but super hurtful in the long run for both parties.

There are a lot of trust components in relationships that can really affect how long you and your partner last. For example, there needs to be a recognition of manipulation from either party. If you have a bad day and take it out on your partner, that is normal. But what is not normal is not apologizing or recognizing that manipulative and toxic behavior, especially if it constantly continues and lasts a while without effort to change.

Another thing that can really be harmful in relationships is not trusting your partner. So, what if your partner has friends of the opposite sex or whatnot? I mean, if they have a close female friend, it is normal to get anxious. I definitely have and I have definitely caused problems over nothing. But now after wanting to change, I recognize it was my own internal insecurities that I was projecting onto my partner. However, getting mad at them for wanting to hang out or talking to them without any reason to be mad can be super harmful.

I just don’t realize why we as a society romanticize toxicity in our everyday lives, friendships, and relationships!

Why do we seek out toxic situations? Why do we push ourselves to our breaking points just so we can boast about how busy and stressed we are? Do we think that we are automatically better than other people if we are suffering more academically or emotionally or physically? Why is this so sought after? Do we crave feeling like absolute shit just for validation?

I see so many friends date toxic people and hurt themselves in the process, all because they are too afraid to be loved and be happy. They let people bring them down, hurt them, and destroy their sense of self-worth and for what?

I see friends who want to be rich one day, so they make themselves unhappy in a career that makes them unhappy, all for the money and the glory of saying that they were this stressed and that busy, all because it’s romantic to suffer.

Gone are the days where we follow our dreams, just so we can brag to society about how accomplished we are while also killing ourselves in the process.

Do we really need to destroy the happy inner child inside just to be validated by others?

I have been slowly letting go of that baggage I carried over the past two years and have been choosing to be happy instead of choosing to be rich or important or academically valid in the eyes of society, my parents, and even myself.

For the longest time, I thought that if I didn’t go to med school, no one would ever love me. Why was I so focused on destroying my creativity all for people like my father to be proud of me? I always talked about how it was my dream to be a doctor and save lives, when in reality I wanted to help people in ways that matter to me. My reality, my DREAM, was to one day make sure people didn’t go down the same dark path I did, not be a doctor. So, when I finally told my father that I was done with the pre-med life, he wasn’t happy to say the least. He asked why I was giving up my dream, but was it really my dream or his dream that was projected on me?

After struggling with my own mental health for almost seven years, I have finally entered the stage in my life where I choose to heal. I have fought many battles, most of them with myself, just to get to a place where I am happy. And for me, letting go of the pre-med life was the last weight off my shoulders. I can now finally accept myself and be happy with who I am, knowing that even though what I want to do isn’t as prestigious as a doctor, I will be satisfied with my life and more importantly, my mental health.

If I am not satisfied with my life and not actively trying to cultivate a world I want to live in, a world where there are challenges I know I can face without poisoning myself in the process, then that is not a world I want to live in.

Why do we hate ourselves for taking a thirty-minute break, just to unwind?

Why do we punish ourselves for going out with friends, as if we aren’t created to be social creatures worthy of love and friendship and happiness?

It honestly makes me so sad that our society has prioritized work and money over friendship and happiness. In the long run, I’d rather have friends and be happy than have money but be lonely and sad.

Maybe you disagree with me, maybe you think that being physically rich will make your life rich as well. But just know the choices you make determine the rest of your life, and if you are unhappy now you probably won’t be happy later.

We attract what we create. And if you create a life full of unhappiness, you won’t attract the life you might’ve dreamed of.

Sometimes, chasing the gold of life will leave you unsatisfied when you finally have it, because what you really needed was right in front of you all along.

You were just too caught up in that toxic web to see it.